So I turned 30 and am being forced into embracing maturity in far too many ways and reflecting on all the ways my life has changed and the ways in which I have changed. Many people see birthdays as no different from one another that every year is just another year but I certainly do believe in the importance of milestones and that certain numbers or events can hold specific significance over us to imbibe them with extra gravitas. I can say with some confidence though that age and maturity do not go hand in hand as I am forced to deal with the immaturity of those much more advanced in years than myself. It’s a funny old game this life we lead and the different hands that it deals to people is the wonder that makes us such a diverse and dynamic species but that at times fails to deflect from what arrogant self involved pricks it can make of people. For me embracing the stories and lives of others is what makes us mature, detracting from yourself and realising there are other plains of understanding that are above our own petty needs and desires. I remember being in middle school and looking at the sixth formers parading around their common room not having to wear the blazer which was making me look so geeky and uncomfortable, sitting in the library discussing UCAS applications and their plans for the future, I was so convinced that they had it all figured out and that when I reached that age my life too would make sense and be filled with a meaningful purpose. On reaching those same UCAS application forms and still feeling geeky and awkward I realised that this notion that I would have made sense of it all by now was far from the case and started to look at those finishing Uni, my elder brother and his friends, listening to their crazy stories of independence and bold shows of individualism and spontaneity, surely these people have it all figured out and that these lives had become full of the purpose I was yearning for, but again at that age I was left disappointed and still no closer to something I still can’t say truly exists. This forward look to a place that looks secure from the distance then feels just as fragile when you teeter on its edge yourself has continued through my years but has now become more comforting than un-nerving. I have found great peace in my life, a knowledge of myself that I thought I would never have, I still feel geeky and awkward from time to time but maybe that’s just me, maybe that is just my way of dealing with my projection onto the earth. So as each milestone passes without revelation I think I now know that life is a constant revival that we will always be yearning for a higher understanding and I have the humility to hope that I never find it because the truth is really in the journey.
Although I have become distracted from the news of the modern world by long hours and the drama of peoples personal lives it is hard to escape the tirade of coverage and publicised excitement surrounding the royal wedding that will take place in two days time. So does this event fill me with nationalistic pride or send me into a blind rage of Bank holiday based fury. I am very proud to be English and although sometimes spouting the words of a would be Communist Anarchist I am at least intrigued by the Royal family and the sense of reflection they give us into the past magnificence of our nation. The attention and fawning that the Americans feel towards our royals is an indication of their knowledge that there is something lacking from the nation they often tout as being close to perfection and getting one over on the yanks certainly provokes my national pride. My annoyance does come from The governments notion that by making this day a public holiday it is a gift to the nation that will bring us together in shared pride, for as usual I will be hard at work in front of the stove helping to add to the enjoyment of investment bankers and other vacuous fuck-tard’s who will be enjoying their extra day not sitting on their ass looking for new ways to screw the common man. I am not only selfishly thinking of myself or my hospitality industry brethren across the nation but of all the others for whom a bank holiday’s often mean extra work for no extra reward and to add insult to injury have to endure targeted marketing constantly reminding them how much extra fun every other fucker will be having while they slave away, They are probably all sitting around laughing at us gullible mugs. On the whole I am pleased at the attention that we are getting even if it is for something archaic and outdated but I’m sure that on the day I will be cursing the names of every person I see with a smile on their lazy 3 day week smug faces.
I know I am posting this quite a long time since writing it mainly due to the post 30 malaise that I thought would hit really did and I have been left in a quite torrential rain of uncertainty and good old fashioned hiding from your worries with the ever present help of booze. I know that nobody ever really has it fully figured out and that it would be so dull if we did but that doesn’t stop every decision we are forced to make being harder and harder as the gravity of time grow longer and stronger. But before this becomes some sort of speech given as sharing at an AA meeting I must remember the ropes that save me from the pits I throw myself into, maybe my life is just one long quest to compile the saddest playlist of all time or to find the songs that can save me from any misfortune, this week I was greatly helped by ‘Directors Cut’ by Kate Bush always bringing back memories of inappropriate behaviour in low life drinking establishments in Australia this cool seductress pops into my sound waves with an album of exquisite eccentricity and beautifully controlled and poised sensuality. It’s a tour de force for an artist who knows how to use her voice to invoke a reaction that is both visceral and intoxicating. Lyrically tied up in a world all of her own as she always has been the album creates a world that you are left dying to be part of. Essentially these tracks are reworking and rein visioning of earlier pieces recorded in an analogue studio to recapture the eclectically original sound that first made her such an engaging and vital artist but paired down and laid bare for me it is the honesty and compelling nature of the lyrics and the fantastic use of vocal technique that make this release a compelling and engaging listen
More musical elder statesmen returning to the studio to turn out ‘Hot Sauce Committee Part II’ by The Beastie Boys returning from a health scare Ad-Rock, Mike D and MCA return to finish a body of work they started some time earlier and sound as vital poised and cool as they ever have. The sounds are reminiscent of the jazzier In Sounds from Way out but given a gruff dirty sound that sets them apart as dirty funk masters. How these aging hipsters don’t sound ridiculous I don’t know but they don’t possibly due to the humour and tongue and cheek attitude that they have always had towards an industry so full of fakers and people with small musical minds. Passing the mic to ‘Nas’ and delving briefly into a dub sound we see the boys not stuck in their ways without forgetting what endeared them to us in the first place.
That’s all for today folks keeping it short and sweet and trying to keep my head together, the broom cupboards of my life are being cleared out and I am trying to return to a more creative and inspirational place so watch out and keep it vaguely imaginary.
